Make jokes
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)
I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
What makes you guys high?
I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
More random keyboard words made into sentences:
This was a joke that was made by someone who had never been to the game before, but who was the first person to make it into a game of game with the intention of being able to play the first person who played it.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Ugh, ugh, ugh!"