Make Jokes

I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

Stop making jokes about Kobe.

HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

I don't trust atoms.

They make up everything.

The image shows a four-panel image with a progression of phrases and corresponding images: the first panel displays Roman soldiers and the phrase "HARD TIMES MAKE HARD MEN"; the second shows an ancient Roman city and the phrase "HARD MEN MAKE GOOD TIMES"; the third shows people enjoying themselves and the phrase "GOOD TIMES MAKE SOFT MEN"; the last panel shows an anime character in bed with the phrase "SOFT MEN MAKE ME HARD".

Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?

Because white people have white privilege.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

God- make a grumpy old man president.

Angel- why?

G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

A- okay.

G- make him not pay taxes.

A- okay...

Fast forward to 2020

G- you know that grumpy old man?

A- yea...

G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

A- Krona.

G- exactly.

A- why do you hate humans so much?

G- because I can.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

Your eyebrows could make the bushes outside feel jealous.

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.