Make jokes
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
so real
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
Johnny, make a joke. The joke is you because Little Johnny has a sense of humor because you're an idiot.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.
Do you think I can shoot a basketball?
I make it dip like water.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."