Magic jokes
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
What a magic trick, it's so bad!
Too bad, chick.
What do you call a wizard who uses Ice Magic? A: A Blizzard!
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
A LYRICAL ILLUSIONIST
Why did the rapper become a magician?
Because he wanted to drop some ILL-USIONS.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
Too many people.
Not enough VooDoo dolls.
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.
What did the magician do as a trick in his show?
Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.