Magic

Magic jokes

Alcohol

    • Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

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    • Magician

    • A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

    I don't know, my friend did it.

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    • Genie

    • There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.

    He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.

    The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.

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    • Magic memes

    Genie

    • There was once a genie with a 10 foot weenie, and he showed it to the neighbors next door.

    They thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake. Now it's only 6.4ft.

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    • Orphan

    • An orphan finds a genie.

    Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."

    Genie: "Of course."

    Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."

    Genie: "Done."

    Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"

    Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"

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    • Vampire

    • What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

    One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

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    • Wish

    • "This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

    "You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

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    • Wish

    • Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.

    The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

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