What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
I tried to get my bloood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
what do fat demons hate, exorcise
Once I saw a mirror.... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism? It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
What do ghosts put their bagels 🥯?
Scream Cheese.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics They only come out for the Booz
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
- wanna hear a joke about ghosts? - no - THATS THE SPIRIT!
