I tried to get my bloood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside
what do fat demons hate, exorcise
Once I saw a mirror.... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost
Today a child asked if I was an angle, I asked why and he said "mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
What do ghosts put their bagels 🥯?
Scream Cheese.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism? It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics They only come out for the Booz
[god creating spiders] God: ok what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
- wanna hear a joke about ghosts? - no - THATS THE SPIRIT!
what do you get when you crossa vapire wit a teacher?/ lotsa blood test
"My dick fell off in the shower" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your Weiner little one?' He says chuckling lightly.
why can't an orphan live peacefully, Technoblade: as a ghost he could locate all orphan withing 2 weeks
What did Allah say when he created the universe ? -Allahu akbar !!!!
what kind of streets do ghosts haunt? - Dead ends
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semin and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story.
when some one got the ghost in them. sound in the priest busters. when something strange and it ain't no who you ganna call priest busters.
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common? both want to put a winchester in their mouth
