What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
