Dad there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig and then I made pulled pork out of him
Son he is dinner
I invented a time traveling machine and travelled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid, they told me, "it wasn't an asteroid...it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct". Tears ran down my face. Shame on you Pessi!
There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.
Did u hear an out the guy who made knock knock jokes ? He won the no bell prize
I Put a magnet in my butthole and made the teachers smell it
More random keyboard words made into sentences:
This was a joke that was made by someone who had never been to the game before, but who was the first person to make it into a game of game with the intention of being able play the first person who played it.
Your mum is so ugly she made Paul walker run
3 guys landed on a cannibal island. the Cannibal chef told them if you want to live to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to me and I will tell you what to do. so the first guy brings 10 apples and the chef said if you can shove all 10 of those in your ass without making a sound you can live. He was 3 apples in made a sound and they ate him. the second guy brought grapes. 9 grapes in and burs ted out laughing. The Cannibals ate him. then the first guy said why you laugh you were almost there. the other guy who had the grapes said I couldn't help it I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
Russians think they are tuffer than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this
1 USA was NEVER invaded 2 USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does! 3 USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass Russians 4 Our soldiers donāt rape kids 5 we have more Allieās than you 6 we are smaller but stronger 7 Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Two to the one from the one to the three I like good pussy and i like good trees Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe And i get more ass than a toilet seat Three to the one from the one to the three I met a bad bitch last night in the d Let me tell you how i made her leave with me Conversation and hennessey I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped If i ain't got a weapon i'ma pick up a rock And when i bust yo ass i'ma continue to rock Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet It's real easy just follow the beat Don't let that fine girl pass you by Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind
2 gay kids made their version of the jack,and jill nursery rhyme. jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of latte's.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl Beyond belief her name was Rayne but she didnāt notice him and or talk to him but one day she did and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no thatās not right Sammy actually snuck in Raynes house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End .
If a baby cow finds a wolf pup they will best friends but when mummy wolf comes itās a fight so the baby cow and the wolf pup made it a Secret but one day the mummy cow and the mummy wolf Found out but no one got hurt in fact the mummy cow and the mummy wolf got to know each other and baby cow and wolf pup were very happy and played all day long there friendship will never Break -THE END- this was not a joke but a meaning if you are different that doesnāt change who you are and your friends are so be yourself and donāt let people break your dreams and donāt Forget them either so no matter who you are donāt let people change who you arešŗš®
Son: āmom, is there a thing called Ā«friendshipĀ» between a man and a woman ?Ā» Mother: Ā«No Son, unless if heās gayĀ» Son : Ā«So your friend is gay ?Ā» Mother with herself : Ā«How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill meĀ» Mother: Ā«Mmm.. YesĀ» Father loudly: Ā«YES!!!Ā» Mother: Ā«What in the hell ? Are you gay ?Ā» Father with himself: Ā«Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered Iām gay and her son was made by Paulās semens she will kill meĀ» Father: Ā«No what are saying ? Iām just talking with myselfĀ»
*A few hours later*
Mother: Ā«I will go to visit my motherĀ» Father: Ā«Me too I will go to visit my motherĀ» Son: Ā«Not me too I will go to stud with my friendsĀ»
the mother and the father goes to michaelās house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying : Ā«thatās why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knowsĀ».
*The End* :D
Don't trust the Atoms. Because they made up everything.
Yo mama so old I bet she was born when Dinosaurs was made and also she killed them with they breathšš
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool
CANNONBALL P.s I made this myself
A horse a fox and a bunny join together and make a rock band they started doing tiny gigs but they got famous and went on tour they all got so famous it went to their heads and the band disbanded the fox made his and bunny made her own the horse was sad that the band was no more so he went to a bar and the bartender asked why the long face
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
