Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What is big fun loud? A school bus 🚌
Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Why was the people's wedding so miserable...
'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.
man: why cant an orphan use Verizon ? kid: why? man: cause they have a family plan kid: oh then i need to switch phone services then man: why kid: im a orphan man: laughs out loud thats tuff ( you can tell the joke shortentd by saying why cant an orphan use Verizon cause they have a family plan)
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)
I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
