Lose jokes

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.

Why do pedophiles always lose a race?

Because they come in a little behind.

How did the British lose the War of 1812?

They were out-Britshed.

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.

I asked Michael Jackson when did he lose his virginity. He just replied with "HEHE!"

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?

If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.