Lose jokes

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?

Because they lost their two best shooters...

Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?

Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

Why did the tiger lose at poker?

Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.

Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.

Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Why do pedophiles always lose a race?

Because they come in a little behind.

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!