Lose jokes

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

How did they lose 2 Towers?

Reason: They just fell, just like how it did in Jenga.

(I d*n't care if it's a bad joke, ok?)

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."

Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"

Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

Why is America so bad at chess?

They lost both of their towers.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!

Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?

Because when they win, they lose.