A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm “This place looks scary” they kid said And the man replies” I know right, I have to walk out of there alone”
“Would you like to play the rape game?” “No wtf” She replied “Thats the spirit!”
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon"
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
Someone asked me my gender... I said woah man
One day I got home and told my girlfriend "I cheated on you." she replied with "F**k you" I then said "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
When some one says your adopted say “ But your still at the orphanage.”
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus so he asks his class, “where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “how do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bang on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?”
i called the suicide hotline and he suggested i drew on myself to distract myself. i replied id get ink poisoning
wouldnt recommend the police came
This guy tried to kill me and i asked "what is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied ": nah, its Halloween"
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes. I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
A kid went and cot a hair cut, the day after he went to school, and a friend says " I like your cut", and he replies "which one?"
MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, "PEDOPHILE! THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD."
How to decorate a wall:
Strip of the paper and original plaster
put on fresh plaster and wall paper
paint it (if you want)
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply
I asked the emo kid how it was hanging.. he didn't reply bc the rope was too tight
An Orphan walks into a bar and The bartender says "buddy you have to go home" the orphan replies " where is home"
