Lose jokes

A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

I asked Michael Jackson when did he lose his virginity. He just replied with "HEHE!"

Why did the prostitute lose all her money?

Because she got f*cked.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?

Her crayons are still wet.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

Orphan: "My Parents."

Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.

How come lepers don't play cards?

Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.

What do dogs do when they lose their tail?

They go to the retail store.

South's losing to Broncos. 😹

Harry Kane and Hitler are similar; they both did nazi them losing.

What war did the black community win?

The Obama era. Only to lose to a smarter white person.

911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.

Time for a remake!

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

Why did the plane go to KFC?

To lose its wings and crash!

Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?

Because when they win, they lose.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Why can't England play chess?

Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.