Look jokes
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?
Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
"Who's your daddy?"
(Go look up the game)
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!
Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."