Look jokes
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?
Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
"Who's your daddy?"
(Go look up the game)
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.