You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
Look Jokes
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!
Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
