Longing Jokes

What is long brown and cured depression.

A nuse.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws open up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number

An old lady walks into an adoption centre and the lady that runs the business says “Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!”

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me

What did the two paintings say after a long battle? Lets call this one a draw

What is long that Paul walker can fit into his mouth. A long black tree.

The twin towers are like water bottles

it's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess

Whats red, 6 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her ?

Her miscarriage

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals. In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky. The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud"

Someone: PLEASE EAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE *Me tryna remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because ive already googled it and given up because it takes too long* Me: Na yeah I still have 19 days left

A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.

why cant orphans go to the hospital? because it is a family hospital ( sorry for the long breack in between my jokes i just had some family stuff but i am back

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long You wait to smash, for me and my girlfriend it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling

a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”