Longing jokes
Weenis long.
How long are you? I
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.
Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.
Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
This is a short joke! This short joke is long. Nice joke, Mr. Steve.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.