Longing jokes

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

Your hairline is so long that your mother could not brush your hair.

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

From your Dad.

I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.

What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

Her abortion.

Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.

Long live the quee—Oh wait...

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

What is black, smells bad, and long? Line to social services.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Why was the orphan so good at baseball?

Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.

Q: What's really long and black?

A: The line at KFC.

A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

Because his head is so high up in the air.

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.