Longing jokes

Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."

Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.

But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

Sleep, but make it forever.

Yo mamma is so slutty, she uses a submarine as a dildo because it's long, hard, and filled with seamen.

COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.

Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉