Longing jokes

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."

Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.

But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

Sleep, but make it forever.

COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.

Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”