Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
