Like Jokes

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

If you hate America, I don't like you :)

Like if you are straight; comment if you are LGBTQ+; dislike if you are a Nazi.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because they actually come back.

How did they lose 2 Towers?

Reason: They just fell, just like how it did in Jenga.

(I d*n't care if it's a bad joke, ok?)

My cousin be like :

The image is divided into two parts. The top part shows a cartoon character with a friendly face and an open mouth as if singing. The caption reads "How I think I sing". The lower part shows another cartoon character, a bird with its beak open, looking like it is screeching. The caption reads "How I actually sing".

Like if you are a simp.

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

What is wrong with having chocolate for dessert? It tastes like shit, and I hate it.

I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.

Okay, who the heck is watersharky? He just tries to "help" people, and he just posts stupid songs because he acts like he is depressed.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.

Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.

Why do planets circle the sun?

'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.

Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,

"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"

She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.

And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"

Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.