Like jokes

No one has my back like my dad.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?

A girlfriend likes a bad boy.

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

"Why am I ugly?"

Google would like to operate your camera.

Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.

What is your body like? Soft.

I yam a food lover. I also like sweet potatoes.

Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.

Spell fuzz.

Okay, F-U-Z-Z, which also, it sounds like "F U Z's."

What does Mammot like on a woman’s body?

Bum bum bummmm buuummmmm bummm.

Why does Mao Zedong like the east coast?

Because there is a red Sun in the sky.