Like jokes

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

Y'all catch me up, what's going on on this website because I haven't been on for, like, 2 weeks?

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

What do you do when you see a wiener dog?

I like you wiener.

I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.

You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

Guy: Are you tired?

His “Crush”: No.

Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?

His “Crush”: That’s sweet.

Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?

Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.

Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...

Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.

Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

Your hairline looks like the Antarctica waves.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Squirtle to Bulbasaur: "You kinda cum... like a baka..."

Your mum is stupid, just like you.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.