Like jokes
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
It gets toasty!
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
I smell like skunk.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
Why are female pornstars like Krispy Kreme donuts?
Because they get glazed on both sides.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Dark humour is like skin.
The darker it is, the less people like it.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.
What does Joker say when someone gets angry at him for not liking oats?
"Hey, why so cereal?"
In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.