Like jokes

No one has my back like my dad.

I smell like skunk.

Why do orphans like the game Adopt Me? Because they've never been adopted in their life.

I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.

Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

I yam a food lover. I also like sweet potatoes.

Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?

Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?

What does Joker say when someone gets angry at him for not liking oats?

"Hey, why so cereal?"

Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?

Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"