Like jokes
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Women are like marshmallows because they're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally… you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
I like turtles.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.