Like jokes
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Memes
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
What would you like as your last meal?
Fried chicken. Extra crispy.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
I only have a few friends, like if you relate.
Based on a true story.
Yo momma's titty milk taste like Captain Crunch.
Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.
Take a step back... just like your hairline did.
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.