Like jokes

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

Life is like a bag of jellybeans.

Nobody likes the black ones.

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Luke looks like Big Chungus and Fat Sonic.

What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?

Leaving, walking.

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.

It's not good without the cheese.

What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?

He waves his arms like a space invader.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

Why don't orphans like getting lost?

Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!