Like jokes
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Your hair line is curved like a moving train.
The boys joking be like:
One guy: "Balls!"
All the other guys: "Hahahahaha!"
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.
Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.