Dad fucked Mom.
Mom fucked son.
Son fucked sister.
Sister fucked dog.
Dog fucked cat.
Cat fucked bird.
Bird fucked fish.
Fish fucked Dad.
Dad really liked it!
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It just felt like it.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
If you hate America, I don't like you :)
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
It gets toasty!
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
follow me on instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a suprise btw you have to like all my posts :)
I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
