Like jokes
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What do Doges like? Memes.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
Boy, you look like the fake Chief Keef!
The ocean didn't start smelling like fish until women started swimming in it.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden.
Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.