I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
I like unicorns.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
Friend: you know how I like my women like my coffee.... Hot Me: what If you don't like coffee:(
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.
You're do annoying like your fucked up hairline.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."
The other said, "Really? I like my bed."
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Why is the sun red today?
The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.
