Like jokes
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
Read this word:
Heroine.
Did you read it like the drug or like a female superhero?
Knock knock. Who's there? You... You who? You smell like shit!
Me: It smells like good fam.
Friend: What's good fam?
Me: Nothing much, what about you fam?
Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.