Like jokes

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

Corona be like:

Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.

*snap*

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

Why are orphanages like dogs?

Because they get adopted.

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

Make this the most liked post.

When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

Logic fire bars in Fortnite sped up to sound like he [is a] chipmunk like Alvin, Simon, and Theodore :)

Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?

Because he’s always on the webcast.

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!

Wood fired pizza?

How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O

Please drop a like.

Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

Dinosaurs be like:

".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."