Lifestyle

Lifestyle jokes

Routine

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

People

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

Health

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Memes

Bar

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

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  • Cancer

    I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

    Emo

    What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?

    Nothing, they both hang.

    Emo

    I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

    Emo

    What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?

    An emo.

    Stool

    Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?

    A: Flip the chair upside down.

    Money

    Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

    Sleep

    My friends:

    Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.

    Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.

    Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.

    Me: You guys are getting sleep...

    Hobo

    Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.

    Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?

    Man

    Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

    He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

    Vegetarian

    Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

    Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.