Lifestyle jokes
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Something I came across today.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
What's the LGBTQ+'s favorite cereal?
Fruity Pebbles.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?
Nothing, they both hang.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?
An emo.
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."