Lifestyle jokes
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
Why'd the emo have no friends?
"Because they like to hang by themself."
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
What does an Emo do with his friends?
Literally hanging out.
Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.
What do you call a group of emos?
A cutting board.
What's an emo's favorite food?
Shot gun ammo.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
What's the most emo name?
Carter.
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
What happens to emo kids when they go up?
They never come down.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?
"Boo-hoo!"
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.