Lifestyle jokes
What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?
Trick question, emo is a handicap.
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
Why did the nerd get scared of the emo? Because the nerd likes to leave the emo hanging.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?
After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What do you call an emo with a knife?
A cutting board.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.