Lifestyle jokes
What do you call a gay man with a thicc ass?
Fruit cake.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
I wish my grass were emo because then it would cut itself.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.
Q: What happens when emos make out?
A: They don't; they just hang out.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
What is the best thing about being an orphan?
All bags of chips are family-sized!