Lifestyle jokes
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
I wish my grass were emo because then it would cut itself.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ?
LGBBQ.
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
Q: What happens when emos make out?
A: They don't; they just hang out.
Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
What is the best thing about being an orphan?
All bags of chips are family-sized!
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.