Lifestyle jokes

What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers.

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?

The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.

As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."

"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."

Like if you know someone emo.

What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.

Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.

What do you call a fat woman that prays?

A holy cow.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?

Have you ever tried to clean one?

Three gay guys walk into a bar.

There is only one stool left, what do they do?

They flip the stool over.

Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny

Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.

What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?

Flexin’.

Son: What's for dinner tonight?

Mom: Steak!

Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?

Mom: HUNGER!

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.