Lifestyle jokes
When the emo kid says let’s play truth or dare, You know it’s about to hang over.
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
Why can't an emo person be in charge of sky diving?
He won't deploy the parachute.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
I'm so glad I am not gay. It seems like a pain in the ass.
LOL.
When an emo asks you to hang out under a tree...
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
What do emos do when they meet up?
They hang out.
I'm high and it's very hot.
I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.
I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
Like if you know someone emo.