Lifestyle jokes
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
What do you call a gay emo kid?
Fruit Ninja.
Why do fat people like food?
The more the merrier.
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"
Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?
Trick question, emo is a handicap.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
I wish my grass were emo because then it would cut itself.
Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."
"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.
There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.
What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.