Lifestyle jokes
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
You live in the airport.
When the class plays hangman, the emos get inspired!
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?
"Wanna hang?"
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
What do me and an emo kid have in common:
We both like to hang.
Why do emo people hang each other? Because they're too "Hengruy."
Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?
Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
Being an orphan is crazy and fuck gay people.