Lifestyle jokes
Do you know what is good about being an orphan?
Every candy bar is family sized.
Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?
Because they won't be there to stick around.
What do you call a flat emo girl?
A cutting board.
When the emo kid says let’s play truth or dare, You know it’s about to hang over.
What's the most emo name?
Carter.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
What’s an emo called Anna?
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.
Why was the emo mad?
The picture got hung, not her.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ?
LGBBQ.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.