Life jokes

"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

Little Johnny died.

Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).

If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

I’ve seen more life in a bowl of WEEK-OLD GUACAMOLE than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

Why are orphans so bad at football?

Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...

Why are apples and orphans the same?

They always get picked on.

Q: Why can’t orphans play baseball?

A: 'Cause they can’t get back to home.

My life, part 2.

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.

What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.

My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

How is sports like regular life for orphans?

They don't get picked for either.