Life jokes
Why did the mailman die?
'Cause everyone dies.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
*Son comes out as gay*
Me: What's 17 more years?
Alright ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! Have a good fucking life, I hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever I've passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beef, I'll fight u bro, ur prob a stick, I'm fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.
Why do orphans love to play family?
Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.
Memes
Me trying to make improvements to my life
What do you call a kid that lives alone?
An orphan. ;)
Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?
Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??
Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
Moment and I
What type of flower do you give an orphan?
A self-raising [flour].
Why do orphans don't like to eat big bags of chips? Because they're family size.
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Who's an orphan?
You are.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working in an orphanage!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Guys stop before I tell my parents!
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”