Life jokes

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

Not a joke?

More like not an existing organism in life.

What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What's a plus side to being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family size. T - T

"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"

"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"

Bro told me this when he passed away.

I’m “Fading.”

What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Joshua White loves blue, A simple truth, tried and true. In his pocket, only six, Yet each penny a valued fix.

With eyes that seek the azure skies, He dreams of places that mesmerize. A palette of blues, a symphony of hues, Whispering secrets only he can choose.

His heart beats to the rhythm of the sea, Where waves crash, wild and free. In sandy shores, he finds solace rare, A momentary escape from life's daily wear.

In cerulean fields, flowers dance, Their vibrant petals, a timeless romance. He wanders through meadows, devoid of strife, Seeking solace in nature's vibrant life.

Joshua White, a soul of gentle grace, Embracing the world at his own pace. Though his pockets hold a mere six, His spirit soars, never to be fixed.

For in the depths of his azure dreams, The richness of life's tapestry gleams. And with every breath, he finds anew, That love is boundless, ever true.

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.