Life jokes
I am an orphan...
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
"Get a life, dum dums!"
Says the fucking moron.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.