Listen my friends say i am gay but i tell them i am not because i am not happy in fact i have no life you are my friend i trust you with my life know can you take it
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze
Oh God By Dixie Rect
Please Dont Stop By Craven Moorehead
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
August 2020: LeafyIsHere gets terminated on Youtube for harassing Pokimane.
Billy, a toxic kid in Leafy's fanbase: Imane's life is a joke, that's why I call her Jokeimane.
A person who simps for Pokimane: And you look like you came from a farm, Hillbilly.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because these jokes are not funny
Heres why the chicken crossed the road...
The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road.The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening, and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road, and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit was full of the chicken nonsense, and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.
The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal, and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.
The End (hope you enjoyed, i was bored so i made this shit...)
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
Me:Ima sign up to be a clow My friend : why? Me:because my life is a joke 😂
One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. 'Why are you early, it is not even christmas?' - ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Lets worry about you instead' says Santa. What is the problem my friend?' - I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house.' Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i'll give it to you-' Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
because all I do is pound it man I would put you on my 600 life if you didnt weigh a thousand
Ya know life as a pufferfish is tuff. They get startled they the get hard.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
person : Hey do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
you do realize that said nothing right
me : exactly :)