Life jokes
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.