Life jokes
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
"Get a life, dum dums!"
Says the fucking moron.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
Orphan
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!