Laziness jokes

A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"

The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.

"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"

"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."

"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:

......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....

STUMP: TEENY DICK

BUMP: TINY TIT

GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP: AN ASS

DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --

JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!

.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............

(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')

"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.

When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."

And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.