New Laziness Jokes

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?

A lazy bones!

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

"How would you describe yourself in three words?"

"Lazy!"

Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.

Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.

Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.

Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!