I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Law Jokes
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Why did the DJ go to jail?
Because he dropped the bass too hard!
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
I killed a man in '94.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Why did the kidnapper cross the road?
To get the kids at the playground.
Person: You can't kill an orphan!
Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?
Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
What is the difference between human rights and the rights of a human being in?
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.
