For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
KK or Liv?
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?
What's America's best class?
Gun 101.
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
