Law jokes
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
It's okay, you had socks on :)
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
Memes
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
What do you call anal rape?
Ass cream.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.