Law jokes
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
What's America's best class?
Gun 101.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Orphans are banned in Alabama.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Why are orphans lucky? Because they don’t need a license plate because they don’t have a home.
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.