Law jokes
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.
During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!
Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!