Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Law Jokes
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
