Law jokes
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.