Law jokes
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
Why can't an orphan be a criminal?
They aren't wanted.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Killing someone is better than killing yourself.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered A minor (get it, like the chord A minor)?
Why can’t orphans be married?
Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.