Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
