Law jokes
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
What is the difference between a human and the human rights act, a tree house, and a human being?
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost the case.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.