Laughter jokes

How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!