Laughter

Laughter jokes

School Shooter

    • VOTING SEMIFINAL 2

    LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

    DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

    Vote for the better joke.

    Orphan

    • If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!

    If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.

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    • Lemon

    • A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.

    One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."

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    • Condom

    • Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

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    • Gold Digger

    • Family all eating at the table.

    Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

    Sister: "Stop the cap."

    Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

    Dad laughed.

    Stepmom storms out of the room.

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    • Gonorrhea

    • Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

    Bloody seamen.

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    • Scarecrow

    • 1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

    2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

    3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

    4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

    5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

    6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

    7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

    8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

    9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

    10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

    11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

    12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

    13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

    14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

    15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

    16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

    17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

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