Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?
A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
THIS IS A RHYME
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.
Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,
and they had a little fun.
Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.
A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"
The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
I bought a guh on the weekend.
(what's a guh?)
GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
