A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Laughter Jokes
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
My life, lmao.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Don't bully. Lol.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
