Ever tried looking in a mirror lately, I wouldn't your crooked hairline might break it.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey is dad late to pick you up again? Child: No mum. Dad is here but he is talking about me to the Mrs Lili the math teacher Mom: Can you here them? Child: I think... they are watching a good movie. Mom: Why do you think that? Child: Because I keep hearing this HOLDS ONTO PHONE AND clap, clap, clap
It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why was Stephen hawking late to the NASA meeting He couldn't get up the kerb
Why was the broom late because it had oversleep
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Why was the American kid late to school? Because he was too busy putting on his bullet proof vest
Orphan lady: ok kids, someone donated groceries Orphans: YAY! 5 minutes late.. Orphans: Wait..wheres the.. Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter* Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
Don't hate life, love it because when u want to live and try again in life, it's already too late. :(
y do people name a kid rob because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in there basement for a late night toy
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Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late? His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Dad:🦆 Kid:? Dad:🦆🦆 Kid:huh? Dad: ur too late.. Kid: WHAT Dad: .... GOOSE
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house. I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games." Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
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When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, i said: "Hey can i borrow that?" he says "yes" me over here walking to the cashier and saying: "goodbye" he screams: "HAVE MERCY!" I say: "No not to you, to me. say goodbye" he says: "No don't shoot yourself" it was to late.
My wifes always nagging me, you dont let me have any friends, i abuse her and im always coming back late, so i thought i would treat her, i popped up in the attick and introduced her to two women.
Gwen sassy: Hi here my credit card don't get it wet it is to much! Unknown: Okay! Gwen sassy: Man I am late can you move a long! Much! Unknown wispering: Sexy!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
