Lates

Lates Jokes

A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.

The little boy says, "I'm scared."

The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option, self harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean hey my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

9

A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him "why are you late?" and he replies "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake" Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him "why are you late" and he replies "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake", The last kid walks in and the teacher says "why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy

imagine the russians showing up late to the 1917 revoloution with a tsarbucks in hand. they were late so I guess they weren't russian. They were probaly stalin.

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again? Little Johnny: I had to be their for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

Made by Evie and Peyton and Peyton’s Mom