On 9/11 the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas, one came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
My Xbox has been acting up lately...
So I painted it black to make it run faster
If a special ed kid is late to class is it ok to call me a little tardy?
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"
I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option, self harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.
To whoever you are, you are loved.
I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean hey my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late??
A cold shoulder
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him "why are you late?" and he replies "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake" Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him "why are you late" and he replies "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake", The last kid walks in and the teacher says "why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!
Why was the asian late to class
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late.. Guess who's late now..
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy
imagine the russians showing up late to the 1917 revoloution with a tsarbucks in hand. they were late so I guess they weren't russian. They were probaly stalin.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?" "I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again? Little Johnny: I had to be their for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
Made by Evie and Peyton and Peyton’s Mom
